They Must Have ESP

I’m driving in the car through the aging oaks with the spanish moss hanging down from them.  The weather is great, the sun is glowing, I’m rocking to some tunes on the IPod blasting through the speakers of my fine car audio system.  This is blissful after a long cold winter.

Then, the phone rings.  The first thing this phone does is cut off my tunes since it’s feeding through the radio.  Then it presents me with “The Voice”.  The Voice is Ka’s mental health counselor, or at least the lead one.  The Voice and I seem to have found a common ground where I know longer want to shake the living daylights out of her.  I am not in the mood for The Voice.

The Voice calls because she wants to share some insight.  First, Ka has thrown away her phone but found a pay phone from which she can make calls.  The throwing away the phone part isn’t new.  The pay phone part is.  How industrious is this?  Ka went out and probably found the last pay phone on the planet earth.  I still don’t believe that she threw the phone away and am torn about whether I should still pay for it incase there is an emergency.

Then the Voice tells me we kind of have a meeting on April 20th with Ka’s new doctor but maybe not.  It’s kind of at 2pm but since Ka shows up at incovenient times and often doesn’t let anyone know what’s going on, we should plan accordingly.  I inquire, “what does that mean?”  “Well sometimes she shows up an hour or so early.”  Ok, I’m now supposed to leave work at noon, drive to the most depressing waiting room on earth, I’ve been to waiting rooms in police stations that are nicer, and wait for Ka to show up.  

Then the Voice adds, “I also should warn you, you won’t like this new doctor.  He’s a little old, he’s a little bit full of himself, and a the first meeting with Ka, he wagged his finger at her and told her she’d been a bad girl.”  Now my blood pressure is rising.  “I can’t imagine you let him talk to you that way.”  So boy, here we go.  Ka, however, is still getting her shots.

Then the subject of my Tom Cruise, she’ll snap out of it brother comes up.  I raises the subject just to get it out of the way.  Listen Voice, I want to let you guys know what’s going on with my brother.  I explained that his appearing on the scene right now and telling Ka that all this illness is just not real would be bad for our game plan.  I also tell them that I know Ka has been mailing address change notices so that is she wanted to him and his lovely wife the wicked witch of the East to know where she is.

Then comes the fun.  The Voice tells me that the Wicked Witch called crying the first time.  Very upset, had to know what was going on.  Why can’t they tell her, she’s Ka’s sister in law. Blah, Blah, Blah.  Second set of calls a week later.  Lots of yelling.  Then the Voice drops the big one.  She tells me that the Wicked Witch told her that we weren’t answering any of her phone calls.  Is this a surprise? No.  I reassure The Voice that we haven’t had any phone calls.  I explain that all through the eviction, trying to get Ka some medication fiasco that I kept them informed and enlisted their support to help Ka understand what’s at stake here, that she might wind up in a homeless shelter.  But no, no help, not support.  So I tell The Voice that if my brother had called I would have given him the information.  I would have given him the address, the phone number, and told him what’s going on.

The Voice sounded sympathetic, it was a professional sympathetic however.  How sorry she felt that I have such a dysfunctional family.  She laughed at the Tom Cruise stuff and we discussed the likelihood that my brother would jump up on the couch.  Couches are good mental illness metaphors.  

So, we signed off agreeing that she would keep in touch about the pending meeting with the doctor and the other mental health events of the day.  We wished each other a good holiday and that was that.

I am convinced these guys have ESP.  Is there a reason they always call me right as I leave for vacation?  When I am relaxed and enjoying myself.

Maybe this stuff that Ka says about these guys reading her brain waves is true.

Making an aluminum foil hat…

Cupcake McQueen